I’m sitting here, sipping on red wine, and listening to the soft melodies of that from a trumpeter and his pianist. The strokes of my keyboard I imagine are my own piano but instead of music, I make poetry. My words and shared stories are the way I choose to serenade any audience that choses to listen.
It’s been such a long time since I’ve made a post; too long if you ask me. I almost don’t know where to begin… I once read that:
“One step in the right direction is worth 100 years of thinking about it”
So here goes. I created this page to share lessons that I’ve learned on this magical journey that we call life. It’s truly amazing and illogical how life really works. I started this journey in May of 2014 after many years of feeling like life was against me. I was angry inside even though I didn’t show it by throwing some silly tantrum. I was hopeless inside even though I preached that everything would be “okay” and will work out even though subconsciously I still had doubts and hesitation. I did not believe in myself even though I had always been scholarly. I was a contradiction to myself. I would enter relationships that were founded on infidelity even though my mate and I were never emotionally or physically involved with outsiders. How is that possible our relationship was built on infidelity then? I cheated myself. I cheated myself by being with a partner who I knew was incapable of providing me unconditional love and I was incapable of giving him that same love back. I cheated myself by entering that relationship because I was allowing, no, I was enabling him to cheat me out of the one true thing that defines my existence–love.
I was lost and confused. I felt like I had been a stand up kind of girl my whole life but I was ultimately unfulfilled. I am not that person anymore. Each day a small piece of me dies. Not in the literal sense, but pieces of myself that had no positive bearing in my life are no longer welcome or entertained by me. It took many months to first realize and acknowledge the errors of my ways. Once I was able to identify this then I had to change my frame of thinking. Your mind is conditioned to be logical which in my case hindered me sometimes because I was pessimistic about many things. In the beginning when you are trying to heal yourself it can be a back and forth battle with your mind but when you have nothing to lose this should come very easy for you to do. Specifically, I remember my initial thoughts on positive affirmations and anything similar to that to be a ridiculous waste of time. Though, at that time in my life I knew I wanted change and I was ready to be the person I know I could be. It soon became natural for me to believe I was worthy, driven, and exceptionally capable of anything I put my mind to.
Fast forward, eight months later I am completely utterly at peace. There has not been one ounce of stress I’ve felt in my life the last 6 months. Anything that has come into my life with negative connotation has been relieved of quick and effortlessly because I believed and expected resolution to come without any doubts. When I awake, I feel energized and joyous to be alive. I am overwhelmed with gratitude and amazed at how the direction of my life has changed for the better. I am now in the position to help others out whether it’s financially or emotionally and it feels great because I’ve always wanted to do so but did not know how I could be capable of doing it. I do believe that someone somewhere will read this and know that I am writing out to them specifically. If my story sounds like you please do not take my writing lightly. I do not believe in coincidences. I do not believe in them for many reasons that I’ve learned on my journey but mainly because I have not made a new post in months and for some reason I woke up today feeling the urge to write. I would be going against my calling if I did not write this post because people are meant to give and receive. My signal came of that from a Facebook friend that posted something that really resonated with me to trigger this plan of action (receive). If they had not wrote their post on Facebook then I’d probably still be looking for the answers that I had all along. Now, I am able to give back by sharing my story. I will continue to make more posts when I feel there’s a message that needs to be delivered.
Again, one step in the right direction is worth 100 years of thinking about it.