“Let go of your obsession with the past and with trying, and instead remain relaxed and casual in the moment, noticing your life force minus your judgments and explanations. You will see good multiply as needed, when you come to know that you are not powerless to make it happen. The universe is rich with abundance that will be provided to you when you let go of reasoning that says your past must be your present” – Dr. Wayne W. Dyer
You know, when I was a little girl I use to have a superpower! Invisibility! Yes, I was invisible ya’ll. Teachers didn’t notice me, teen center advisors didn’t notice me, hell my own mother didn’t notice me! It’s almost humorous when you think about it. One thing I did to cope and make myself feel better about my illustrious childhood was to volunteer as a “camp counselor” for a northwestern children camp. The kids were about 11-13 years old, so basically they were in their awkward stage of life. But the one thing I made sure of was to pay attention to all the campers not just the popular or overtly extroverted students but to them all! I mean, I had the “fast tail” girls, the “new to America” kid, the “genius/know-it-all” kid but I gave them each my undivided attention because children should feel noticed, loved, and special. Because one day that kid is going to grow up and be an adult who shapes our nation. This is why it is critical to show love to people and pass it around.
I’m sitting here, sipping on red wine, and listening to the soft melodies of that from a trumpeter and his pianist. The strokes of my keyboard I imagine are my own piano but instead of music, I make poetry. My words and shared stories are the way I choose to serenade any audience that choses to listen.
It’s been such a long time since I’ve made a post; too long if you ask me. I almost don’t know where to begin… I once read that:
“One step in the right direction is worth 100 years of thinking about it”
So here goes. I created this page to share lessons that I’ve learned on this magical journey that we call life. It’s truly amazing and illogical how life really works. I started this journey in May of 2014 after many years of feeling like life was against me. I was angry inside even though I didn’t show it by throwing some silly tantrum. I was hopeless inside even though I preached that everything would be “okay” and will work out even though subconsciously I still had doubts and hesitation. I did not believe in myself even though I had always been scholarly. I was a contradiction to myself. I would enter relationships that were founded on infidelity even though my mate and I were never emotionally or physically involved with outsiders. How is that possible our relationship was built on infidelity then? I cheated myself. I cheated myself by being with a partner who I knew was incapable of providing me unconditional love and I was incapable of giving him that same love back. I cheated myself by entering that relationship because I was allowing, no, I was enabling him to cheat me out of the one true thing that defines my existence–love.
I was lost and confused. I felt like I had been a stand up kind of girl my whole life but I was ultimately unfulfilled. I am not that person anymore. Each day a small piece of me dies. Not in the literal sense, but pieces of myself that had no positive bearing in my life are no longer welcome or entertained by me. It took many months to first realize and acknowledge the errors of my ways. Once I was able to identify this then I had to change my frame of thinking. Your mind is conditioned to be logical which in my case hindered me sometimes because I was pessimistic about many things. In the beginning when you are trying to heal yourself it can be a back and forth battle with your mind but when you have nothing to lose this should come very easy for you to do. Specifically, I remember my initial thoughts on positive affirmations and anything similar to that to be a ridiculous waste of time. Though, at that time in my life I knew I wanted change and I was ready to be the person I know I could be. It soon became natural for me to believe I was worthy, driven, and exceptionally capable of anythingI put my mind to.
Fast forward, eight months later I am completely utterly at peace. There has not been one ounce of stress I’ve felt in my life the last 6 months. Anything that has come into my life with negative connotation has been relieved of quick and effortlessly because I believed and expected resolution to come without any doubts. When I awake, I feel energized and joyous to be alive. I am overwhelmed with gratitude and amazed at how the direction of my life has changed for the better. I am now in the position to help others out whether it’s financially or emotionally and it feels great because I’ve always wanted to do so but did not know how I could be capable of doing it. I do believe that someone somewhere will read this and know that I am writing out to them specifically. If my story sounds like you please do not take my writing lightly. I do not believe in coincidences. I do not believe in them for many reasons that I’ve learned on my journey but mainly because I have not made a new post in months and for some reason I woke up today feeling the urge to write. I would be going against my calling if I did not write this post because people are meant to give and receive. My signal came of that from a Facebook friend that posted something that really resonated with me to trigger this plan of action (receive). If they had not wrote their post on Facebook then I’d probably still be looking for the answers that I had all along. Now, I am able to give back by sharing my story. I will continue to make more posts when I feel there’s a message that needs to be delivered.
Again, one step in the right direction is worth 100 years of thinking about it.
James Michael Sama said it best, “there are too many mediocre things in life; love shouldn’t be one of them”. This seems like common sense right? Well, there’s a thin line somewhere between love and reality where delusion is hidden.
de·lu·sion [dih-loo-zhuh]: a belief held with strong conviction despite superior evidence to the contrary
I am not excluding myself out of this equation because I am also guilty of the hazy sugar-coated fallacy of believing I am madly in love, all in the while, not wanting to see the reality of things that are right in front of me. I ask why do some of us blindly overlook the truth within our relationships? The only explanation I had for settling was because I thought I was nitpicking and with love comes compromise, so I thought. One thing is for sure, what I had was not love. Also, my “compromises” were not compromises; they were sacrifices. A mutual understanding to meet each other halfway or to make a deal is to compromise. Due to me being so delusional and lost in “love” I was so blindly sacrificing principal values of mine.
Life is about progress and forward motion1. Settling for a mediocre love is counterproductive of progressing forward. Set clear values for yourself and keep to a strict discipline to ensure that what you’re putting out is what you will receive. I learned this the hard way, nevertheless with life comes growth and wisdom to take with you along your journey.
I don’t worry about yesterday problems and future dreams, I live for the now…
I read that quote tonight while browsing profiles of people in Austin, TX. All I was trying to do was to connect with people in Austin to see how they like the culture, entertainment, and job market. Though, my task became distracted when I read this quote and thought this is something I need to share with you all.
For so long, I have been reminiscing on the past and daydreaming about the future but never really living in the now. Sure, I’m breathing, here, right now, at this moment but am I really alive in the now. One of the meanings of the word “alive” means:
“(of a person or animal) alert and active; animated”
How can I be alert, active, and animated when I am stuck in the state of the past and have a disproportioned view of the future. Here and now I need to live in the moment, be content with the now, and be thankful of being in the presence. The somber complaints of ‘woe is me I am getting so old’ is setback to my own existence. Life is truly what you make it. We all have our bumps in the roads but you haven’t experienced life until you’ve overcome disappointment. There is no point to be stuck in the past; this will only void the present and slow down your future..